This morning after I piled my kids, bags, raincoats, lunches into the car for school drop-off, my daughter asked me (in a super sweet, kind voice), “Mom, why do you always seem so mad? Well, not mad, but not happy.”
Always mad? Ugh. A shot to my heart.
She clarified again, “Well just, not smiling.”
Wait, do I have RBF (resting bitch face)?
Pausing to take a breath and insert a selfie of when I had a minute to enjoy the sunshine and beautiful scenery….
I know she was genuinely asking but at the time, I had been mentally running through the morning checklist. Did we leave anything behind? Anyone? I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t cheery, but was quiet and trying to pull up a favorite car song before I started driving and they asked me.
But that question really hit me.
How many times that morning had we listened to Encanto songs and did a little dance? How many “thank yous” had I said as they put their dishes away and got ready to go? I hadn’t yelled or been angry. I thought it was a good morning.
But I also know that every morning, I go through the mental checklist.
- Are the kids properly dressed for today’s weather?
- Brush teeth?
- Brush hair?
- Eat a proper breakfast (not just sugar cereal) to keep them filled until snack time?
- Vitamin?
- Drink some water?
- Lunches packed?
- Lunchboxes have ice pack? Spoon or fork? Napkin?
- Clean up their dishes?
- Breakfast food put away?
- Socks?
- Jackets?
- Shoes?
- Masks?
- Submit their daily wellness check on the school’s app?
- Go potty and wash hands?
And those are just the basics. Then there are the extra things like:
- Dirty dishes washed out and in the sink? Bonus if they make it into the dishwasher.
- Open the blinds so the plants get sunlight.
- Water the plants?
- Put leftover food in the compost bin.
- Is today trash day? Compost pickup day?
- Do I need to send anything extra for school today (birthday snack, change of clothes, clean water bottle, library book)?
- Clean off counters, floors, chairs, tables, and put stuff away so the house isn’t a disaster when we get home. #wishfulthinking
- Turn off all the lights (even upstairs).
Plus of course, I need to get myself ready to go, too. I grab my bags for work, pack my lunch, and… did I eat breakfast?
It was simpler during COVID times when I worked from home because that removed all self tasks and I could clean up before the workday started. But now, we’re back to running on all cylinders.
It’s one thing if every child could take care of themselves or remember to wear socks or brush their hair before coming downstairs, but instead, I get to ask them 20 questions each morning to confirm everything is done.
Could I let my child go to school without socks or wearing shorts in 40-degree weather? I sure can. But the consistent theme I’ve learned is if they don’t, it’s mom’s fault. Nobody seems to point to the kid or the dad for any of this.
Didn’t remember to bring in a water bottle for school? It’s mom’s fault. Forgot to replace the extra change of clothes for the toddler? It’s mom’s fault. Where’s your mask? Mom didn’t tell me to grab it.
Why is it ALWAYS mom’s fault?
Have 3 kids? It’s mom’s fault x 3!
And no matter how many times I ask if they have something or tell them to get their shoes on, if they don’t grab it, it’s still mom’s fault.
I know I shouldn’t care and the kids (older kids especially) should be responsible for themselves, but I am a capable person! I am smart! I can get kids and myself dressed and out the door in the morning!
But whew, it’s mentally exhausting.
By the time I start work each morning, I’ve already gone through hours of mental checklists, negotiations, reminders, and “oh yeah!” moments.
But now I feel like I need to do it with more smiling and dancing and happy moments because apparently otherwise, I look upset. Add it to the checklist!
Kids, mom is trying. I promise.
I try every morning to be a good mom and help you learn, grow and feel loved. I’m sorry I can’t muster up the energy to do it ALL with a smile.
Moms, do you ever feel this way? The post above was definitely written in stream of consciousness but I’d love to know that I’m not alone! Or, have you learned to just say “F- it!” and not feel responsible? Please, tell me your magical ways!!
Today, go give a mom a hug. Or at least a text telling her that she’s doing a great job. Moms need that.
Molly says
Oh mama, I feel this post. I nodded along to the entire thing. And I only have 2 and am not currently working. My biggest struggle right now is that I have to beg and threaten and coerce just to get my 5 year old ready to leave, even for the things she wants to do! I’m so tired! You are not alone mama. You are superhuman.
Debbie says
I’m so glad that you were able to identify with this post. I’m not alone! 🙂 Yes!! Why is it so hard to get children to do something that they asked to do? I like to tell myself that when they’re older, it will be a huge benefit for them to be so confident and strong-willed adults. Fingers crossed! Hugs to you mama.