Why am I the friend that gets left out?

As a military kid, I’d move to a new place, make friends for a few years and then leave. Letters from my BFFs often stopped after a few months, but life moved on to new friends at my new school. NBD right?

But now, we have social media. AKA, daily reminders of girls trips, weddings, baby showers, nights out, playdates, outings and more. Someone’s post marking a fun occasion only exacerbates my feeling of being left out once again.

When you’re a new mom, you kind of expect that people won’t invite you to places because you’re “too busy” right? What I didn’t expect was that it’d become permanent. But perhaps I should have since it’s really nothing new.

Have you ever heard Bill Engvall say, “Here’s your sign”? I’ve had many signs that I’m easily left out or left behind throughout my life. They’re all very small in the grand scheme of life’s hardships but it’s consistent.

Every time I remember feeling left out, it’s with someone I thought was a close or best friend.

After years of trying to be such a good friend to so many people, I’m realizing that rarely is the effort reciprocal. There are usually no big blow-ups, just a gradually growing distance that doesn’t seem to bother anyone but me. #heresyoursign I’m easily forgettable.

Growing up a military kid afforded me a way to distance myself from people who hurt me. But, what do you do when social media, weddings, birthday parties, nights out or work is a constant reminder of friends who are moving on without you?

I’m the Howie from BSB, the purple jolly rancher or the Hawkeye of the Avengers. Some people might like me, yes, and a few people might appreciate me when it’s convenient for them. But, I’m rarely on anyone’s list to catch up with or go out with.

Note: This post is not intended to be read by an acquaintance with the hopes that it will change their minds about wanting to be good friends with me. Mostly, I figure someone may read this and not feel so alone in their loneliness.

What to do when your friends leave you out

I put my heart into my friendships. I follow up with friends to see how they’re doing after a bad day. I still snail mail Christmas cards or text birthday messages instead of a post on social media. I ask busy co-workers if they need me to pick them up lunch for them while I’m out. Shoot, I even compliment strangers in the grocery store if I think it will make them smile.

But, I’m realizing that not everyone appreciates the extra energy I put into my relationships. And, it’s not my fault if they prefer the personalities of others to mine, right? It’s OK if you don’t get along with everyone. Let’s say that again…

It’s OK if you don’t get along with everyone.

It hurts me to say it but in the last few years, I reach out a few more times and then I forget them. I’m still cordial if I see them in person, but I will no longer waste my energy where it’s not wanted.

Oh how depressing that initially sounds and feels, but you only have so much energy in the day so don’t waste it! #momsneedenergy

Instead, I’m focusing on the few people in my life who actually do care about me and who want me in their life. Any extra energy, I’m putting into self-care, exercise, blogging (yay), reading… and oh yeah, being a good mom, wife, worker and all. 🙂

There are days where I still struggle, but I’m trying to maintain perspective! The world has enough negativity in it that I do not need to create more just because I’m excluded again. It gives me more time to get a massage or play with my kids instead.

Do you feel like you’re always being left out too? If so, comment below, I’d love to hear your perspective on how you handle it or take feeling left out.