When I watched Disney’s Encanto for the first time, I didn’t expect to self-identify so much with a character. Luisa, in particular her song “Surface Pressure,” caught me by surprise… and made me cry. Like REALLY cry.
Luisa feels pressure from the expectations of her family and community to always be “strong.” Yes, she’s more physically strong, but Luisa’s words rang true for me and the expectations of mom life.
The pressures of mom life don’t seem to end. You might get items on your checklist ticked off or make it through a big event, but the list keeps growing.
Work, laundry, sports, after-school activities, life skills, school, birthdays, play dates, groceries, vacations, and then let’s add the coronavirus pandemic on top? Hello, pressure. During it all, we’re responsible for the kids continuing to thrive and stay safe while the world figures out how to come together to beat COVID.
But that’s not all, right moms? Don’t forget, appreciate every moment because time flies!
Somehow, moms also are supposed to be an individual. We need to find time to exercise, have a hobby, get at least 7 hours of sleep, shower, eat healthily, and maintain relationships with family and family. Maybe plan a “girls trip” or a “no kids trip”! No pressure right? It’s good for your mental health.
In the midst of those regular items, we’re supposed to maintain being attractive for our partners… because that’s our most important relationship right? More pressure. So, makeup, cute clothes, shave, plan special date nights or surprises to keep the “spark” alive. Ignore the persistent socks on the floor and excel at communicating.
Drip, drip, drip.
Oh, and then let’s add social media to the mix. You’re supposed to have time to create these cute, likable, filtered posts that keep others filled in on your life. We all know it’s a fake world of only the good stuff, so we need to have creative, beautiful decorations and tables with well-dressed kids to celebrate the holidays or maybe just a Taco Tuesday because really, it’s all about creating the memories.
Drip, drip, drip.
But don’t share too much because we need to keep our kids safe. More pressure. Maintain your privacy settings. Don’t share something inappropriate or that will PO some people and start an online argument (who has time for that?). It may skew your vision of the world, but you need to be on social media enough to understand it for when your kids get older, so you can protect them.
And, if any of that falls? It’s on mom.
Nobody looks at the dad for ANY of this. In fact, we all know that dads get praised if they just take the kids to the grocery store to give mom “a few hours off.” Which of course only adds to the MOM GUILT.
Mom guilt = more pressure.
But you know, just don’t worry about it. Ignore what people say. All that matters is what you think.
Many articles and books lately have called it the mental load of being a mom. But now, I’m calling it “Surface Pressure.” Luisa’s right; there’s no room and no time for mistakes. Mistakes could harm the safety, health, or happiness of your family. Or your own mental health.
Drip, drip, drip, more pressure.
On top of all the things going on, if you add just a little bit more pressure, at some point, it feels like mom is going to break! And we do. My mom friends, Facebook friends, articles by moms… I’m seeing cracks all over the place.
But really, it’s NBD. That’s just mom life, right? Moms can do hard things.
Near the end of Surface Pressure when Luisa was holding up her entire town and not letting it fall on Maribel, I felt in my bones the pressure of protecting my kids while not letting them FEEL any of this weight. I need to continue on, prioritize, and try to do the best that I can so they can thrive.
Just smile, even if you don’t feel like it! Fake it until you make it, mom!
Perhaps it’s also because the holidays just ended, but whew, Surface Pressure gave me the good emotional release I didn’t know I needed.
Not to mention, she has my big muscles…. haha! J/k.
I bought a Luisa doll for myself to keep as a reminder that it’s OK to be strong and vulnerable. It’s OK to feel like the weight is too much because honestly, it is. I need to say no and take a rest. And if I don’t, I’m going to break.
Buy your own Luisa Encanto doll »
Thank you, Luisa (and Encanto writers) for helping this mom feel seen!
Do you self-identify with Surface Pressure at all? If any of this rings true to you, please comment below! How are you doing, mom?
Cristen H. says
I cried during this song, too! Limiting my social media does help, but the rest definitely piles up. I try to let my kids know when I’m really feeling the pressure and ask them for hugs and support to get me through. I think that connection is helpful and teaches them they don’t have to do it all alone either.
Debbie says
Yes, that makes a ton of sense! I’m glad I’m not alone in all of this. Hugs to you mama <3 Thank you for sharing!