Learning to Love Yourself

If you want to find joy in your life, start with loving yourself. Easier said than done, right? Where do I even begin?

This past week, I’ve been rewatching sessions from the RISE women’s conference. While the conference focused on many topics, one common theme that stood out to me was the power of loving yourself and how it can make a difference in your life.

Then, I realized that while this message wasn’t the focus, perhaps it was the one I needed to hear most.

Who struggles with loving herself? This mom!

I wrote a previous post on ideas for mom self-care tips, but this is beyond self-care. Because I’ve found that you can take care of yourself, eat healthily, get sleep, etc. and then look in the mirror and be critical of yourself.

If you are also on a journey to find happiness in your heart and life, below are 10 tips for how you can start learning to love yourself too.

1. The conversation in your head should be positive.
   For those of us who have high expectations, this one can be difficult. But pay attention to your mental conversation. What if someone else listened to what you told yourself– would you be embarrassed? What if your kids heard it?
   
   If you wouldn’t let a friend, spouse or loved one talk to you the way you talk to yourself, then why is it OK for you to? It’s not. Stop it. In fact, say positive things even if you don’t believe them because eventually, you will.
   
2. Accept a compliment.
   How many times has someone complimented you and you immediately brush it off? “It was nothing.” “Oh, don’t worry about it.” “You’re too kind.” “No I’m not.”
   
   Someone noticed you or your actions and took time to compliment you– say, “Thank you,” and appreciate the moment! Honor yourself.
   
3. Stop comparing yourself to others.
   The saying,“Comparison is the thief of joy,” is overused but very true. Why would you compare one moment of time to someone else’s, especially if somehow it makes you think less of yourself.
   
   Nobody else shares your circumstances and you don’t know their whole story. You may be comparing the middle of your journey to the end of theirs so it’s unfair to judge yourself without all the facts.
   
4. Decide whether your future self would be happy with your actions.
   No matter what your actions are, think about them in terms of whether the next day, week, month or year, would your future self be OK with this decision?
   
   Whether it’s missing a workout, binge-watching a show, breaking off a relationship, or going after an audacious goal, don’t worry about what others think… what do you think? Would look back on this moment and be proud or disappointed? If it’s something important to current and future you, you’ll start building that foundation for a life that you’ll love.
   
5. Self-care. Self-care. Self-care.
   While self-care might not be the entire equation to loving yourself, it’s still important. Spend time to remember what makes you happy. Watch that movie. Wear those yoga pants. Belt out that song in the car. You need to fill your own cup.
   
6. Don’t insult yourself to others.
   “I’m such an idiot.” “I’m horrible.” “I’m a bad mom.” Have you ever said things like that, too? While the intention might be sarcasm, to downplay a situation, or self-deprecating humor, if you talk about yourself that way, it allows others to also. Further, you’re putting it out into the universe, into your mind, and into the minds of others. Stop it right now! You deserve better.
   
7. Take care of your health.
   It’s hard to love yourself if you feel like your body is working against you. If you take care of your body (exercise, sleep, eating well, drink water, etc.), then you have more to be proud of. See that muscle popping through? Is your skin glowing? Whatever it is, if you work hard for it, you’ll notice the payoffs more than anyone else. Enjoy those as they come.
   
8. Don’t rely on someone else to make you happy.
   If you expect your parents, friends, spouse or kids to swoop in and make you happy then you’re going to be severely disappointed. You could be BFFs with Oprah and still be unhappy if you choose to be. You are responsible for your happiness. Your perspective is up to you.
   
9. Set small goals.
   Yes, big goals are great too, but I’ve found a lot of joy and pride in small accomplishments. Finishing a virtual race, reading a book, making your bed, completing your to-do list or planning our meals for the week. Recognize your accomplishment, even if it’s a mini celebration of 1, because you earned it.
   
   Note: If you want to find a reason to take pride in the small daily tasks of life, take a few minutes to watch the Make Your Bed Speech by Admiral McRaven.
   
10. Practice gratitude. When my son was young, we started going around the room every night to say something we are grateful for from that day. Now we say at least 3 things each night. That time gives me a few minutes to reflect on the day and find joy in the small things of life.
    
    Whether you’re writing in a gratitude journal, meditating, praying or speaking your thankfuls to your family, I’ve found that reflecting on the day, my world and my body brings a little more joy and calm to the day.
    

The journey to loving yourself is not easy– I know I’m still working on it. Find what words or reminders work for you, write them down and put it somewhere visible so you can see it every day. Because the longest relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself, so be sure to nurture that relationship daily. You are worth it.

Do you have other suggestions for someone learning to love yourself? Or did any of the items above speak to your heart? Please comment below, I’d love to hear your thoughts!