There are quite a few lovely ladies I know who are engaged — yay for them! In my past life, I spent years working weddings and helping to plan a few weddings. Our wedding was more than a decade ago!
For those who are recently engaged or have a friend who could use some unsolicited wedding planning advice, below are some tips to help you (or them) get started.
For the most part, these are lessons learned through watching, learning and doing. What worked well, what didn’t. All are my opinion of course, so you can use what helps you, ignore what doesn’t. But if even one thought helps you, then yay!
Envision Your Wedding
Before you start reading wedding magazines or looking at Pinterest, document any details you want to incorporate or avoid. What do YOU (and your partner) want? What’s most important?
Not all brides dream about their wedding. Or, sometimes it’s hard for brides to narrow down their dreams when there are budgets and costs associated.
There are a lot of details to think about for a wedding, but first, you need a vision. Create a “dream board” if you want, but at the very least, write down your answers to these questions:
- After your wedding, your guests come home and tell someone about your wedding. How would you want them to describe your wedding in 3 adjectives? Elegant? Intimate? Simple? A blast?
- You’re at your wedding. What do you see? What are the emotions you feel?
- Costs aside, what are the 1 or 2 must-haves for your dream wedding? A band, red roses, a donut table?
- Is time of year important to you? Weather?
- Do you want kids at your wedding?
- Who do you want to be there?
Are there any other details you definitely want to incorporate? Something you want to avoid? Write it down to make sure you remember it!
Use this vision as your guide to decide on your venue, music, flowers, etc. When putting together your budget, you’ll know where to skimp because it’s not as important to you. Or in the kerfuffle of to-dos and tasks, this vision may help remind you of something you almost forgot about!
How to Start Planning Your Wedding
When I first started planning my own wedding, I felt really overwhelmed by the amount of details and tasks going through my mind. If you’re like me, then try compartmentalizing your wedding planning.
There are many online checklists and books that can tell you what to book first. These can help you narrow down your to-dos to the next week or month.
If you’re truly at the start of your wedding planning, your first tasks are important to solidify the date, place, guests and important vendors.
Your initial wedding planning tasks may look something like this:
- Determine your budget. Your all-in total cost. Rehearsal dinner, hotel, transportation, vendor tips — it all adds up!
- Put together your guest list. Move some guests to the “B” list, if necessary.
- Where do you want to get married? In a church? Outdoors? Somewhere tropical? (Make sure you know when hurricane season is!)
- What time of year you want to get married. For example, areas near me, late Spring to early Fall are prime wedding season. Save some money by going outside of prime wedding season. Or, book a Friday evening or Saturday morning.
- Once your wedding venue is set and you know your date, book your photographer! After the wedding is over, photographs are what you have left to relive your wedding. Make sure you have the photographer whose personality and style are what you want.
If it would fit in your budget, I highly suggest also booking a videographer, even if it’s just for your ceremony. Yes, photos are wonderful, but you might want to remember what someone said in their toast or hear the cheers during your first dance.
Once your big items are solidified, those will help guide other decisions. You can only pick from flowers that are seasonably available. If you’re getting married in the winter, you probably shouldn’t have a beach ceremony, etc.
In the “Thick of It” Advice for Brides
As you continue planning your wedding, use your vision and budget to help make decisions. You’ll get a lot of unwanted advice or feedback that may steer you off course, but try to hold steadfast when you can.
If any of the advice below doesn’t jive with you, ignore that too!
- Stay away from Pinterest if you can. Unless you have an unlimited budget or are very crafty, it’s a dangerous rabbit hole that will make you feel inadequate.
- Pick vendors that make you feel comfortable. You’re going to spend the day with your photographer, and you need to trust your florist or venue managers. Read reviews, ask for references, taste test, etc.
- Once you’ve booked your vendors, ask their advice. They’ve seen so much and could have a great idea you haven’t thought of!
- Stuck on a decision? Think about your vision but also who you are as a couple. Do you love dancing? Hire a live band! Is brunch your favorite meal together? Have an omelet station!
- If your budget allows, hire professional videographers to capture the speeches, the music, the vows.
Every anniversary, my kids love watching our wedding video. It gets more special as each year passes. - When given the choice between a flat open bar fee or a pay-per-drink bar, per drink is usually the cheaper option, unless you are inviting heavy drinkers.
- Don’t forget to feed your vendors (photographer, DJ/band, etc.). They need a break during their work too!
- Tall wedding centerpieces can be beautiful, but they’re also in the way for spectators. Go for low arrangements so your guests can see!
I’ve seen guests move very expensive, tall flower arrangements off tables so they can see the dance floor. - Smaller bridal parties are less drama and less expensive. They don’t have to buy a dress they’ll never wear again and you don’t have to buy them gifts. Win win!
- Your bridal party is NOT required to make your wedding centerpieces or be your servant. If you still want them to like you after the wedding, then let them plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party and be present wedding weekend and that’s it.
- Go ahead, break traditions. If you don’t like cake, have a wedding pie. Don’t like to dance? Then no dance floor! Make the wedding yours!
My best friend had cupcakes on the table for her wedding brunch with a sign, “Life’s short, eat dessert first!” So cute!
- When creating your wedding registry, register for items of varying price points. Remember that you’re likely going to spend way more to have someone at your wedding than they’ll spend on your gift. Be kind to your friends and relatives.
- If you receive gifts before your wedding, call or text the gift giver to let them know you received the package. Don’t make them wonder if it arrived.
- Or better yet, don’t wait to write thank you notes. Write them as soon as you can so they don’t pile up! Plus, as a gift-giver, I feel it’s rude to wait months to get a thank you back.
- It is so kind when a friend or relative offers their services for your wedding day, but be cautious not to abuse their offer if they’re still a guest. Let a baker make your cake, but then don’t expect them to do more than that day-of.
Also, be realistic. Someone offering to record your ceremony on their phone is probably not going to catch all the words said or get the best angles like a professional videographer would. They might even forget to press “record”!
- Be sure to tell your photographer what photos you want. My friend once ended up without a photo of her with her parents! Be sure your photographer knows any special poses or groups of people you want photos with or of.
I made a word document with groups and some example photos for those really important to me.
- Keep a Dropbox, Google drive or binder of all contacts and contracts. In one place. I made a separate email account just for my wedding, but that’s just me.
- Whether or not you want to have kids at your wedding is totally up to you. Yes, some parents might give you grief, but others will be happy for that night off.
- If you have out of town guests, a gap between your ceremony and reception or guests that might want to go out after, give them options! A printout or something on your wedding website can help them make their plans so the fun doesn’t stop!
- Continue to communicate with your betrothed. Make sure you’re both on the same page about the wedding. Be honest. Work together.
This is YOUR wedding. Make sure your decisions reflect who you are as a couple because ultimately, this is about you two and your decision to be together forever.
Wedding Day Advice for Brides
If you’re almost to the wedding day, your head might be swirling with final to-dos or you’re coasting along and cool as a cucumber. Whichever status you’re living in, keep these in mind for your upcoming big day.
- Don’t be rude; start on time.
- Create a timeline of your entire day with all vendor and wedding party phone numbers. Send it out to your wedding party or anyone that’s helping to make your day a success.
- Smile! Your cheeks should hurt by the end of the night.
- Have a printout wedding binder handy with all of your day-of details. (I might be old school on this one?)
- With your binder, include the pre-loaded, sealed tip envelopes for each of your vendors and designate someone to hand out the tips at the end of each event so you don’t have to.
- For your “getting ready” photos, think about the background. Clean it up! You don’t want a sloppy background for those special pictures.
- When holding your floral bouquet down the aisle or in photos, your thumb should be at belly button level. Not up at your chest.
- Sit down to eat your food. Again, you’ve spent time picking out the hors d’oeuvres, food and maybe even a special cocktail. Take a few minutes to enjoy it too!
- Don’t do a sweethearts table. You have the rest of your lives to be together, sit with your friends and family who want to be with you, not watch you from afar.
- If you’re doing a beach wedding, stand on a mat or platform when you exchange rings. You don’t want to spend time looking in the sand for a dropped ring.
- Have young children or pets as ring bearers? Give them fake rings and let the best man hold the real rings. They’ll never know, and it still looks good in pictures.
- Exiting to sparklers? Don’t run! Walk slowly so you enjoy the moment and can get some good photos. (We didn’t! Eeep!)
- If something small should go “wrong,” remember that most people are just happy to be there and celebrate your wedding. They don’t care about (and probably won’t even notice) the small things.
Our cake topper was put on sideways, my hair barrette was crooked the entire night and our getaway car didn’t start. Guess what? Small potatoes. Overall, it was a great day. - Don’t be the sloppy, drunk bride. You’ve put so much hard work and money into planning your wedding, enjoy every minute of it. Drink later!
- Make sure you spend time with grandparents and those from out of town who you might not see often or, unfortunately, ever again.
- I never once worked a wedding with a bouquet or garter toss. From what I’ve experienced, they really only do those in movies or at weddings where the couple is really young.
- While deviations from your wedding plans are hopefully minimal, nothing is perfect. There will be kinks, but remember you’re setting the tone. You can choose to let it affect your day or you can let it roll and keep going. It’s your choice!
At the end of the day, if you are happily married then your day was a success. That’s it. Now, you can prepare for people to start asking you when you’re going to start having kids. They might even ask on your wedding day. What is it with those older generations? Haha!
Once your wedding is over and you’ve had a chance to breathe, please remember to take time to write reviews for your vendors. Especially ones who made your day special or who were just awesome. They worked hard to contribute to your day, and your reviews or referrals help support their business.
I hope you found some of these tips helpful for your wedding planning. Mostly, I just wanted to document all of this before decades pass, my kids start planning their wedding and I’ve forgotten it all.
Do you have any wedding planning tips you’d like to share? Comment with them below. Let’s help those brides who are on information overload!
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